I’m not okay and I’m owning it

Lockdown has been extended. What was a 21 day countdown, is now a million day countdown (or so it feels). Please allow me to be not-okay for a moment.

Despite everyone trying their best to stay positive, this is one of the hardest things to do – and it’s okay to say it out loud. It is challenging, frustrating and emotional and none of these resonates with positivity.

You are trying to work, play, teach, relax in the same space where you eat, sleep and now, exercise and build puzzles. Children scream and split their lips while you are on a video call, your cat thinks you have been inside for too long and brings the outside to you (in the form of mice and snakes), the house is a mess and the ironing has been piling up since before the lockdown. There is also an egg challenge looming because someone on Facebook nominated you.

This year you will be celebrating your birthday alone.

It wants to make me cry right now over my morning coffee.

I do believe everything will be okay in the end. We will have a new normal. People will be able to travel again. People will be able to buy wine again. We are going to have in-person meetings again.

But, for now, it is okay to not be okay. Businesses are failing, people are losing their jobs. Some are stuck in horrendous circumstances at home (if they have one), and the reality is that the economic effects of this will be impacting us for a very long time.

I am not dissing the ever half-full glass people, at all. Positivity is important, having a purpose during this time is extremely important. Not staying in bed the entire day is imperative for your mental health. Trying to keep your business afloat is important. But, it is also important to authentically feel what you feel. You can be sad, and mad, and worried.

FEEL ALL THE FEELS. I cried last week and this weekend, and will probably cry some more in the near future.

I miss my people.

Lets be kind to one another, and allow people to be not-okay for a little while.

San-Marie Barnard

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